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<title>Hold me, don't hold me down by HeroesForADay</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116398">Hold me, don't hold me down</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroesForADay/pseuds/HeroesForADay'>HeroesForADay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Outer Banks (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandonment, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 14:56:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,042</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroesForADay/pseuds/HeroesForADay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>People care about JJ, but he doesn't let his guard down.<br/>Will his closest friends get around him and his issues?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hold me, don't hold me down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I will not let my guard down again. </p><p>That’s what went through JJ’s head after his mother left.</p><p>Sure they never had a perfect family, but it was a family and that’s all that mattered. After the shouting,  his mother would still come into little JJ’s room to stroke his fair hair and sunkissed skin in an effort to make things normal for this child. </p><p>Now she’s gone and his father is upset and tells him it’s his fault and little JJ wonders and wonders what he’s done. He knows he acts up in school sometimes, but he’s been trying to get that under control. Is this what happens when you’re a bad kid; your mom leaves and your dad drinks all those bottles and cans and takes those pills and yells and hits you. If this was the pain you felt when you let someone love you and they leave or they get angry, JJ said he’d never let it happen again.</p><p>He’s always been friends with John B. He was always a bit crazier but John B kept him grounded. He also felt like John B actually knew him, which he couldn’t say about his family. He would encourage him in school, compliment his surfing, give him advice and not ask questions about his mom or his bruises or the days he was quiet, still letting him know he was there if needed. Pope and Kiara later joined their little band of Pogues and he was so grateful for his friends, he would do anything for them. He knew he couldn’t offer them anything material or expensive so he tried to prove loyalty in other ways, always being there for them. When it came to his own feelings, however, he would always shut them down. He didn’t want a repeat of the heartbreak he felt and abuse he endured the last time he let someone down, and the last time he let himself be vulnerable, although only a child.</p><p>Now that JJ is a bit older, he spends more time with his friends, surfing, fishing, partying, you name it. It takes their mind off of whatever woes keep them down. There are still days when there’s not much to eat, there are days when his dad kicks the shit out of him and there are, of course, days where he lets every comment of him being worthless and useless and trash get under his skin and he believes it’s true. Now, at least, he can find ways to escape, temporarily, at least.</p><p>"JJ, man, surprised you're not first up this morning, have you not seen that surf?" John B asked as JJ woke up from a night on the couch of the Chateau. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at John B.</p><p>"Any good?" he replied. </p><p>"Ye dude, come on, get your board shorts on, let's go!". </p><p>JJ jumped out of bed, he heard good surf and that's all he needed to hear.</p><p>He suddenly hesitated, which John B noticed and watched JJ's face fall from excited to something close to fear. </p><p>JJ loved to surf, it was something he was actually good at and he always felt happy doing it. However, only the day beforehand, him and his dad had a run-in and JJ was left fairly banged up. Some punches to his stomach and abdomen left dark bruising, not to mention the scattered scars which already exist. His friends have seen these and heard the various excuses. JJ was upset and exhausted after his fight with Luke and fled to John B's but he's not sure now whether he had the energy to produce an excuse today. He didn't want to lie to someone who had been nothing but good to him, he knows what can happen when you let people down.</p><p>"Actually, John B, I don't know if I'm in the mood to go surfing, bit tired, you know?"</p><p>John B wasn't having any of it. </p><p>"Not taking no for an answer JJ, not wasting any good waves this summer".</p><p>And with that he headed out the door just waiting for his friend to follow. JJ still had the touch of fear in his face and the funny thing is that John B has seen that look before. As if his best friend was hiding something that he was afraid for him to know. He knows JJ goes through a lot, he hears the way people talk about his family and where he comes from on the island, but he has always known JJ to be a loyal, fearless and amazing friend, sticking up for his crew always, he had no reason not to trust him. It was getting the trust back that was the hard part. John B knew better not to question him about his life though, he didn't want to hit a nerve or upset JJ, he did, however, want to help him. JJ would never let him though.</p><p>JJ followed John B out of the Chateau and grabbed a surf board to head to the beach. He concluded in his head that John B wouldn't ask or even care about the bruising. He could do with a surf anyway to clear his head and have a bit of fun</p><p>They reached the beach and in JJ's excitement to get into the water, he ripped off his t-shirt, exposing his battered stomach. He barely noticed and nonchalantly ran to the water with his board. </p><p>John B saw. </p><p>His heart dropped.</p><p>He knows those vicious bruises could have come from anywhere, but then he remembers the fear in his eyes that morning and the sudden arrival to his house last night with puffy eyes and an exhausted body. </p><p>He concluded that after all the protection JJ gives to the Pogues, John B would give him some in return. JJ's a tough dude, he's feisty and mischievous and cheeky, but overall he was good, and although John B didn't know what exactly was going on in his life or in his head, he couldn't bare to see him get hurt by anyone.</p><p>And he thought to himself as he watched JJ run into the water that it was the least he could give that boy.</p>
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